CrossFitBurbank.com HERE
(626) 863-0008                                (818) 939-1188

824 HollywoodWay, Burbank 91505
Map HERE

WodWorks HERE
fw@FitWorksTraining.com
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A Product Review

I made the mistake of going to the so-called "Infinite Dinosaurs Total Fitness Personal Training Boutique" for about three times. Total ripoff. Unbelievably bad. First of all, it's in a storage shed behind The Liquor Barn, and the place stinks of bum urine and there are broken syringes all over the sidewalk. There's like one 40 watt bulb hanging from a cord in the middle of the space, that keeps getting broken when you do the idiotic "exercises."

Bob Dude -- I think that's his real name -- runs the place and is a total amateur conman, and he charges $175 per session. It's like he makes it up on the spot, when he runs the so-called "workout". One time he had me flapping my arms like a chicken for 45 minutes. He called it the "mega-delt-lat-blaster" or some garbage like that. Said it would give me shoulders like a "bunt cake" whatever that is. And he's always hitting on the chicks in this really cheesy old-guy way. He says "Hey, qt, how's it playin" and then he says, "that's 'q' and 't', as in 'quite tasty'." And then he giggles through his nose. Just embarrassing.

He's always pushing his garbagy products, and I saw his storeroom full of unsold junk from like the 80s. Now it's his InfidiNopro thing. It's a bunch of photocopied pages stapled together. Want to know what "Tonal Tonics" is? It's you, with your nose pressed to the bathroom mirror, screaming at the top of your lungs for 15 minutes nonstop. The noise is supposed to reflect back and "tone" not just your face muscle -- he calls it an "instant mega minifacelift" -- but it does your abs too, he says. Doofus. His "MacroFascial Flexic Blast" is about 3 feet of 7 inch by 5/8 rubberbands hooked together like you did when you were in 4th grade. I kid you not. It is literally garbage. You wrap it around your head and make faces. The doofus doesn't even know what fascia means.

Instead of Infinite Dino-sucks I recommend, FitWorks, which is CrossFit Burbank. Focus is on sensible exercise, sensible diet -- not a lot of big-sounding promises -- do the work and get the benefits. Not a lot of wasted motion. Necessary motion. No chicken-wing flapping. Sheesh. FitWorks is about being competent. Functionality, not poser appearance. And you won't end up with scabies from touching that Infamous Dino-sores scandalous floor. Bob Dude doesn't even own a mop.


A Reviewer


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COMMENTS:


3:51 AM
Anonymous said...
Do not believe this review! It is totally bogus! I have been a patron of this highly elite INFINITE DINOSAURS™ TOTAL FITNESS PERSONAL TRAINING BOUTIQUE! for many years, and it is ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! Bob Dude is an AMAZING trainer, the best ever, and his abs are totally OFF THE HOOK! The chicks all really dig him, and his products sell at an amazing rate, and he owns lots of mops.


3:54 AM
Blogger Bob Dude said...
And furthermore, I know this dude who wrote that review, and HE'S the one who's a doofus. So I kicked him out and now he's all mad like a P-Factor™ baby.


3:54 AM
Blogger Bob Dude said...
And also, this poser reviewer has violated trademark law by not including the trademark symbol when he mentioned Bob Dudes proprietorial products and ideas. All rights commercial and/or otherwise of INFINITE DINOSAURS!™ and/or any of its concepts and/or products, including but not limited to Tonal Tonics™ and MacroFascial Flexic Blast™, are hereby asserted and affirmed by their respective legal owner(s). Violators will be prosecuted.


4:01 AM
Anonymous said...
Oh, and never mind that the heading in those other two comments was of Bob Dude. It's just a glitch or something in the internet. It's very common, as a search of the relevant websites on the net will prove. I'm a disinterested and VERY totally satisfied customer. Honest.

-------------

Well. That was weird. Ever get the feeling that not everything is as it should be, in the fitness world? So many promises. So much hype. So many, so very many posers. How sad.

Just be excellent, is all. You get that way by doing constantly varied functional movements at high intensity with consistency. Easy. Don't do useless things. Work hard.

Be excellent.

Here: CrossFitBurbank.com


FW
CrossFit Burbank

An Exciting Crime Novel (excerpt!!)


From "
My Gun Is Hard!", by F.W. Werques: from Chapter 23: "The Interrogationroom!"


The room was really big. It had alot of furniture and stuff in it. The big room had a man in it.

“Look!” I said. “I have a gun and you will tell me where the girl is!” I said with my gun.

“No I won’t!” he said.

“Yes!” I said.

"No!" he said.

"Yes you will!" I said.

"No! Never! Mendosa the drug boss will kill me if I do!" he said. He was bald, and very fat. "You damn ugly jerk!"

“You ugly bald fat pig!” I said, “Now you are going to regret that!” And I beat him up. And then he was panting and begging me to stop.

“Stop, I quit, your beating me up and I will tell you what you want to know!” he said.

“Then tell me then, stupid!” I said.

“What do you want to know?” he said.

“Where is the girl that I want to find?” I said.

“Oh, yes, you asked me that before,” he said.

“Yes I did,” I said.

“The girl is in the...” he said. But then he died! There was a gun shot, and he died. There was a bullet hole in the middle of his bald head! There was a smoke trail of blue smoke that was coming out of the round bullet hole! It was so bloody and really exiting!

I spun around on my catlike feet!

"Dam you, Mendoza!" I said. I fell to my knees and raised my fists dramatically to the heavens and shook them! "Noo!" I said. Running after the masked gunman that was running away, I sped quickly through the big room with all that furniture in it. There were scary shadows on the walls. A black cat was sitting on a table. Not a plastic one, a real one. The big clock that was on the walls ticked ominously! It was a priceless King Lois the Sixteenth antique.

"Ha ha ha!" he laughed over his shoulder as he ran away. "Now you will never find her! Never! Ha ha ha! For beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. For it both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am ... Mindoosa the Crime Boss!"

I was so angry. My feelings were like a roaring ocean of raging blowing stormy fast wind. It was dramatic! I ran through the big room some more, that had stuffed animals, like bears and lions in it. The shadow on the wall was scary. I fired my gun at the fleeing figure of Mendosas' back, that shot back at me. Hot gobs of lead flew everywhere. The priceless antique clock that was ticking ominously on the walls was shot and ruined! Then as I ran I jumped over a table like a gazelle! Then I got to the door that was shut and locked now. Mendoza the masked gun man had shut the door, and locked it from the other side.

"Damn you, Mandoza!" I said. I did not know yet that Mendoza was really the girl! The one I was looking for! I would not learn that until the end of this book!

But then I shot at the door with my gun that I had pulled out from my coat and shot the door open! And I ran through the door.

A car was racing at me in the dark with its head lights blazing like bright suns or moons at me! I jumped heroically over the car hood as it raced under me so fast, like a rocket! I landed on my catlike feet and fired my gun at the blazing red tail lights that raced away from me in the dark down the dark road!

"Mandosa!" I said. "Damn you!" I was so angry because he (but its really a girl) had shot that guy in the head and I thought that I would never find that girl that I was looking for (that was really Mendoza the crime boss, which is her middle name, like with a hyphen the way they do sometimes, like its the last name of the mother).

And then I skulked back into the big room. But one of the giant stuffed animals was really a real animal, and it roared and ran at me. I shot it with my gun. Because earlier I had reloaded outside, after the death car had raced at me with its bright lights that I jumped over. It fell down at my feet, dead, letting out a mighty death roar when it died!

"That was scary," I said to myself, and chuckled bravely. "He certainly was over bearing!" Because it was a giant bear. "I wonder what other exciting things are just about to happen?" Little did I know!


The End (of the chapter).


=================================


If you would like many athletic adventures just like the guy in this good story, you should do what millions of other people has done!! Git in shape!!

FitWorks. Training.

Be accelerate!

;-)


Here: CrossFitBurbank.com


FW
CrossFit Burbank

Getting Serious

Being sedentary is certainly not the same as sloth. Working at the computer is work, and productive. Not a deadly sin at all. A virtue, even. Not sloth -- sedentary. But the body doesn’t know the difference. Bodies don’t get it, about morality and wickedness. They just feel and react, like animals. The thing that distinguishes our bodies from those of animals is our magnificent brains, what with their intellects and wills and, uh, other good human stuff. Ambition. The ambition to excel.

We say it a lot, because simple truths resonate the loudest: As easy as it was to get out of shape, that’s how hard it is to get back into shape. On the other hand, getting back into shape is like forgiveness. It’s like redemption. It’s almost religious. Hallelujah. The cliché is, the more you put in, the more you get out. True, but that’s a sort of euphemistic way of saying it. The harsher, more accurate way to say it is that it takes intensity. That’s harsh because intensity really means suffering. Breathing a little hard is not intense at all. Gasping like you’re terrified is intense.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that most folks don’t aspire to be world class, elite athletes, so they don’t need to suffer quite that much. Their intensity level can be much lower, and they can still attain very respectable goals. The other bad news though is that their intensity must be much, much, very much more than just breathing a little hard.

It really isn’t about the effort. It’s not about desire or will power. It’s about your body’s hormonal response, the signals to and from your brain that tell the body to store or burn fat, or build muscle, or the like. Wanting such messages to be sent isn’t enough. Sending a clear signal is what it’s about. We send those messages by stressing the body. The bigger the stress -- not, mind you, distress -- the clearer the signal, and the more beneficial the response. In this case, intensity equals effectiveness.

Effectiveness matters, because most people are not genetically gifted. The dudes you see on the muscleman mag covers, they didn’t get that way because they had effective workouts. Barring steroids, they’d look like that by doing pretty much any workout. They have bodies that respond to motion, whereas most of us have to do actual exercise -- the effective kind, that we’ve talked about before.

So, depending on your genes to keep you healthy and looking good is a bad plan. It’s like depending on luck. It’s not a plan at all. It’s depending on your body, your animal body, rather than your magnificent human brain. Your body is what got you out of shape. Your brain will get you back into shape -- by disciplining the beast, the way a lion tamer works his craft. Crack the whip.

If people could do it on their own, there would be no fitness specialists. On the other hand, if people could set their own broken bones or treat their diabetes, there would be no doctors. Point is, we need help. Help with what’s effective, rather than what’s a waste of effort, and help with motivation -- it’s all so emotional, after all. It’s on you, you know, your health and appearance and the way you feel. But feel free to ask for help.

Be excellent.

Here: CrossFitBurbank.com


FW
CrossFit Burbank
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