CrossFitBurbank.com HERE
(626) 863-0008                                (818) 939-1188

824 HollywoodWay, Burbank 91505
Map HERE

WodWorks HERE
fw@FitWorksTraining.com
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A Product Review

I made the mistake of going to the so-called "Infinite Dinosaurs Total Fitness Personal Training Boutique" for about three times. Total ripoff. Unbelievably bad. First of all, it's in a storage shed behind The Liquor Barn, and the place stinks of bum urine and there are broken syringes all over the sidewalk. There's like one 40 watt bulb hanging from a cord in the middle of the space, that keeps getting broken when you do the idiotic "exercises."

Bob Dude -- I think that's his real name -- runs the place and is a total amateur conman, and he charges $175 per session. It's like he makes it up on the spot, when he runs the so-called "workout". One time he had me flapping my arms like a chicken for 45 minutes. He called it the "mega-delt-lat-blaster" or some garbage like that. Said it would give me shoulders like a "bunt cake" whatever that is. And he's always hitting on the chicks in this really cheesy old-guy way. He says "Hey, qt, how's it playin" and then he says, "that's 'q' and 't', as in 'quite tasty'." And then he giggles through his nose. Just embarrassing.

He's always pushing his garbagy products, and I saw his storeroom full of unsold junk from like the 80s. Now it's his InfidiNopro thing. It's a bunch of photocopied pages stapled together. Want to know what "Tonal Tonics" is? It's you, with your nose pressed to the bathroom mirror, screaming at the top of your lungs for 15 minutes nonstop. The noise is supposed to reflect back and "tone" not just your face muscle -- he calls it an "instant mega minifacelift" -- but it does your abs too, he says. Doofus. His "MacroFascial Flexic Blast" is about 3 feet of 7 inch by 5/8 rubberbands hooked together like you did when you were in 4th grade. I kid you not. It is literally garbage. You wrap it around your head and make faces. The doofus doesn't even know what fascia means.

Instead of Infinite Dino-sucks I recommend, FitWorks, which is CrossFit Burbank. Focus is on sensible exercise, sensible diet -- not a lot of big-sounding promises -- do the work and get the benefits. Not a lot of wasted motion. Necessary motion. No chicken-wing flapping. Sheesh. FitWorks is about being competent. Functionality, not poser appearance. And you won't end up with scabies from touching that Infamous Dino-sores scandalous floor. Bob Dude doesn't even own a mop.


A Reviewer


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COMMENTS:


3:51 AM
Anonymous said...
Do not believe this review! It is totally bogus! I have been a patron of this highly elite INFINITE DINOSAURS™ TOTAL FITNESS PERSONAL TRAINING BOUTIQUE! for many years, and it is ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! Bob Dude is an AMAZING trainer, the best ever, and his abs are totally OFF THE HOOK! The chicks all really dig him, and his products sell at an amazing rate, and he owns lots of mops.


3:54 AM
Blogger Bob Dude said...
And furthermore, I know this dude who wrote that review, and HE'S the one who's a doofus. So I kicked him out and now he's all mad like a P-Factor™ baby.


3:54 AM
Blogger Bob Dude said...
And also, this poser reviewer has violated trademark law by not including the trademark symbol when he mentioned Bob Dudes proprietorial products and ideas. All rights commercial and/or otherwise of INFINITE DINOSAURS!™ and/or any of its concepts and/or products, including but not limited to Tonal Tonics™ and MacroFascial Flexic Blast™, are hereby asserted and affirmed by their respective legal owner(s). Violators will be prosecuted.


4:01 AM
Anonymous said...
Oh, and never mind that the heading in those other two comments was of Bob Dude. It's just a glitch or something in the internet. It's very common, as a search of the relevant websites on the net will prove. I'm a disinterested and VERY totally satisfied customer. Honest.

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Well. That was weird. Ever get the feeling that not everything is as it should be, in the fitness world? So many promises. So much hype. So many, so very many posers. How sad.

Just be excellent, is all. You get that way by doing constantly varied functional movements at high intensity with consistency. Easy. Don't do useless things. Work hard.

Be excellent.

Here: CrossFitBurbank.com


FW
CrossFit Burbank
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