During the span of a red light stop FW can teach anyone to hold his or her breath for at least 45 minutes. He holds the world record for backward closed-eye one-legged tightrope hopping, both speed and endurance. He is irresistible to all women, but has remained chaste (with one exception) for compassionate reasons.
FW knows how to unicycle, and where Osama bin Laden is drifting. He invented ice-sculpting. He built the world's tallest sand castle. He is a master electrician. He was the model for each title character in The Magnificent Seven.
More radio song requests have been dedicated to FW than to any to any other person, living or otherwise. He once deliberately forgot how to generate economically viable cold-fusion energy. He knows how to play baseball, basketball and American football.
FW spot-composes countless operas, libretto in haiku form, using only percussive instruments, for which he wins Nobel Prizes in Musicology, a category established for him. He floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee, knows that winning is the only thing and that nice guys finish last. He never loses. He knows a Fifth Noble Truth, a Ninth Path-fold, a Sixth Pillar of Islam, and the nine-billion-and-first Name of God.
Nobody has ever not repaid a debt they owed FW. He has an extra appendix. He tutors at-risk inner city youth in the art of topiary. The outline of his shadow hangs in the foyer of the Louvre. He found Saddam Hussain's spider hole.
FW has earned hundreds of dollars lecturing on superconductors, and donates all proceeds to the worthy poor. Not content simply to dispose of garbage and automatically wash dishes, FW can climb any wall he sees, and applies the arcane principles of feng shui masterfully to the redesign of inartful public monuments. He still uses the Dewey Decimal System. He created an object so heavy that even he can't move it. To amuse a sick child, he once memorized the complete works of Bulwer-Lytton. Variations in his spelling become standard.
FW just averted al-Qaeda's next attack. He has successfully amended the Second Law of Thermodynamics. He never wears polka dots -- he does wear polka stripes. He alphabetizes street addresses as he passes them. He has never believed a lie. He has never received junk email. He never blinks.
If you would like to be just as wonderful and fantastic as FW, call or email FW.
Be excellent.
Here: CrossFitBurbank.com
FW
CrossFit Burbank
Posts
